


listen to what I don't say

by imjaebumism



Series: Jackbum Rambles [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Slice of Life, idk what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 20:17:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4235193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imjaebumism/pseuds/imjaebumism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Something falls inside the dorm, it's a dull thud, softened by the glass so it doesn't sound like much from outside, but both Jackson and Jaebum glance over, as if they could see what's going on through the curtains. They can't, of course but when Jackson turns back, Jaebum's staring at him and it's unnerving but has his heart racing all at the same time." </p><p>Jackson thinks Jaebum hates him, Jaebum just doesn't get them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	listen to what I don't say

"I don't hate you." Jaebum sighs and Jackson's kind of surprised at that. If not for the disdain thrown in his direction when Jaebum thought he wasn't looking or the blatant disregard for his opinion when it came to thoughts about Got7, and a myriad of other things that Jackson can't even begin to list, he'd have no reason to think that Jaebum hated him at all. But they happened and Jackson can't think of any other reason for the behavior. Until now, he guesses, "I just have no idea how we work together. Mostly."

"What?" It's spring but there's a bite to the evening air out on the porch of their dorm. Jinyoung is watching some drama with Youngjae and Bambam on the couch while Mark and Yugyeom have closed themselves into the room Mark shares with Jackson, doing what, Jackson could only guess. Jaebum and Jackson, of course, are away from the constant surveillance of the rest of the members. One of the few times that Jackson has been able to see Jaebum under something other than the harsh light of leader. He's leaning against the brick of their building wall, one foot up while the other stays firmly on the ground, holding him up, keeping him balanced. 

Jackson is closer to the rails, closer to the bright lights that outshine the barely visible stars but he thinks he's kind of getting it. 

"You're quirky and fun to be around," Jaebum continues, his hands digging further into his pockets, "people fall for you once you open your mouth and it's just so easy for you. Even when you hardly knew Korean and all you did was laugh and scream really loudly, you still got people to love you. And I'm not like that."

He wants to say something. Something along the lines of you're wrong. You're really, really wrong. Something like, it took so long to finally become comfortable enough in his skin that he didn't feel like he was constantly crawling out of it, or trying to mold it into something he wasn't. That he perfected self-deprecating jokes and gags because having people laugh at his downfalls was a lot easier to handle than agonizing over them all alone in his room where nobody could hear him cry himself to sleep. That it's not easy at all, none of it, that he's constantly worried that the polish will fade and people will start to see him for what he truly is and that's incomplete, disconnected and unsure more than anything. 

Instead he chooses to say none of that. To stay quiet long enough for the sounds of cars racing by and wind rushing in their ears to distract them and pull them back. 

"I'm not like that. I'm not like you." To an untrained eye, it would look as if Jaebum were staring right at Jackson, his gaze calculating. Piercing. But Jackson could tell he's not the object of Jaebum's attention, because the leader is looking right through him, completely bypassing the rapper and he suddenly feels hollow. "People don't like me once they lay their eyes on me, they don't look at me to build atmospheres or crack jokes. That's all you, and I don't know how to work with that. I don't understand you. But I don't hate you."

To be honest, Jackson is relieved almost. He'd never had anyone hate him but himself, and when he'd thought Jaebum had he'd gone crazy coming up with reasons as to why and ways to fix things. But none of what Jaebum is saying makes any sense to Jackson. Jaebum doesn't know how they work, doesn't understand him, but doesn't hate him and instead of answers Jackson feels like he's getting lead around in circles, carted away from the truth. 

"You're the glue and I'm the disaster." Jackson says, looking out at the cityscape in front of him. Jaebum makes no indication that he's heard but Jackson continues anyway, "if I'm the one creating the atmosphere, you're the one that keeps it from cracking, falling apart at the seams. That's how we work together. I wouldn't be able to do it without you, hyung."

Something falls inside the dorm, it's a dull thud, softened by the glass so it doesn't sound like much from outside, but both Jackson and Jaebum glance over, as if they could see what's going on through the curtains. They can't, of course but when Jackson turns back, Jaebum's staring at him and it's unnerving but has his heart racing all at the same time. 

Jackson doesn't add that Jaebum's wrong about one other thing. Jackson had liked him once he was introduced to the older boy, liked his smile, the way it caused his eyes to curve and grow smaller. Liked his voice, the way it matched the sharp edges of his features yet was completely unexpected and warm at times. He matches Jaebum's look, doesn't look away or back off because he knows now that he isn't hated by Jaebum, that he has nothing to be afraid of. 

What Jackson gets from the look is that Jaebum hears everything he didn't say. 

Every last word. 

Jaebum is the first to look away and clears his throat, pushing back against the wall and walking past Jackson, towards the door. 

Before Jaebum pulls the door open, Jackson calls out his name, the honorific tacked onto the end, "I'm glad you don't hate me after all."

It's silent for so long that Jackson doesn't think he'll get a response, but before a Jaebum's walking into the dorm and leaving Jackson on the porch he says, "it's impossible for anyone to hate you, Jackson Wang."

Jackson, once again, doesn't tell him he's wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> imjaebumism.tumblr.com


End file.
